Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Alone

When i was three my room was my escape. The escape from reality and the unknown world that seemed giant to my three year old eyes. The scary, confusing happening that i didn't understand, had vanished when my white simple door closed shut and i was inside, almost relieved. At this time my family was changing, i was clueless. The memory of the aggressive, booming voice of a man, and a frustrated, upset women battling it out beyond my door. The words, and yelling i didn't comprehend were all gibberish inside my room. The recollection of me hiding in my closet, trying to run away from the argument these people were having. Even the peace i once thought my purple room had, did not protect me from this hatred i could here. The yelling back and forth lasted for hours. But once it stopped i opened my door hesitantly and saw my mom just standing there, frozen. I didn't even have to ask but she said..." That was no one, he is gone now don't worry. " And from the window i saw the six' four giant teddy bear i called my dad, walk to his car and drive away.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my goodness. That is very powerful. Very well written.

    Well, it seems cruel to correct you on your grammar here, but please don't think me insensitive.

    Almost all of your "I"'s need to be capitalized. In the first sentence, I would add a comma after "When I was three". Also I think you missed an "s" at the end of "happening" in your third sentence. Also, "closed shut" is a little repetitive, so maybe get rid of one of the two. I think you missed an "and" in "at this time my family was changing, I was clueless". The sentence after that seems incomplete.Same goes for the second sentence after that one. In the fifth last sentence "here" should be "hear". And throughout the piece, I would watch your placement of commas.

    The last three sentences are what really got me. Wow. And I'm so so sorry.

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